Recovery article

Step 9 of AA: How to Make Amends Without Making Things Worse

Step 9 is where you actually make amends, with one important condition: only when doing so won't cause more harm. Here's how to do it right.

From the article

Step 9 of AA is where you make direct amends to the people you have harmed, wherever possible, and except when doing so would cause more harm. An amends is not just an apology; it is a change in behavior backed by honest acknowledgment of what you did.

Step 9: "Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others."

Step 9 is where the work of Step 8 becomes action. You actually go to the people you've harmed, in person whenever possible, and make it right. Not just an apology, but an amends: a change in behavior backed by honest acknowledgment of what you did.

Amends vs. Apology

An apology says "I'm sorry." An amends says "I was wrong, here's what I did, and here's what I'm doing differently." An amends may include repaying money, correcting a lie you told, or repairing something you damaged, alongside the verbal acknowledgment. The word comes from "to amend", to fix, not just to feel bad.

The Exception: When Amends Would Cause More Harm

The step explicitly carves out an exception: don't make an amends when it would injure the person or others. The classic example is a romantic affair, confessing it to your spouse may relieve your guilt while devastating theirs. In cases like this, talk to your sponsor before acting. The goal is healing, not unburdening yourself at someone else's expense.

Types of Amends

  • Direct amends , in person, honest conversation about what you did and how you're changing
  • Financial amends , repaying money owed, even if it takes time
  • Living amends , when direct contact isn't possible or advisable, you make amends by living differently, being the person you should have been
  • Indirect amends , for people who have died, are untraceable, or would be harmed by contact

What to Expect

Reactions vary. Some people will be warm and forgiving. Others will be cold or angry, and that's their right. You're not making amends to get a particular response. You're making amends because it's right, regardless of the outcome.

The Big Book promises a profound freedom comes from completing Step 9. Most people find this to be true, a lightness that comes from living with nothing to hide.

Working Step 9 in SoberCrew

The SoberCrew amends tracker lets you work through your Step 8 list, log the status of each amends (planned, in progress, complete), and add notes about how each conversation went. Track your progress one person at a time. This step takes months, not days.

Frequently asked questions

What is Step 9 of Alcoholics Anonymous?

Step 9 of AA is: "Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others." It is where you act on your Step 8 list — going to people in person, acknowledging what you did, and demonstrating change through your behavior.

What is the difference between an amends and an apology?

An apology says "I'm sorry." An amends says "I was wrong, here is what I did, and here is what I am doing differently." An amends may also include repaying money, correcting a lie, or repairing something damaged — not just words. The word "amend" means to fix, not simply to feel bad.

When should you not make a direct amends in Step 9?

Do not make a direct amends when doing so would injure the person or others. The classic example is a romantic affair — confessing to your spouse may relieve your guilt while devastating theirs. In cases like this, discuss with your sponsor before acting. A living amends — becoming the person you should have been — is appropriate when direct contact would cause harm.